Kireji: Part One

I got into your backseat and we talked. Never had anyone been such a vision of beauty in my eyes before and I was overcome with emotion though I was so nervous I couldn't show it.  It was another warm day, but the car was on and the air kept us cool. Our lips touched and it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Your lips were perfect and our kiss was perfect.  I always found first kisses to be awkward and unknowing, but this was right. It was beautiful and my heart nearly beat out of my chest.

I ran my hands along your smooth legs.  I turned your head and I kissed your neck. I relished every second like it was not only the first but the last time as I would alawys do.  (Somewhere inside me I knew you didn't love me, but it didn't matter because I loved you with every fiber of my being). I pulled you onto my lap and we kissed harder and more passionate.  Your lips pressed hard against mine..the taste of your tongue..you wore short shorts and I put my hands up the bottoms and grabbed your ass. I was so hard..I wanted you so bad. You began to grind on me and we kissed harder and held each other tighter...and we would stop to breathe and look into each others eyes and for me it was heaven..for me it meant everything...for me it was true love. I told you over and over I wanted you and you finally whispered in my ear take me...we took off our clothes..I entered you and you were so wet and it was the highest point of passion I ever felt.  Moving inside you slowly as you laid there and I was worried if you were comfortable and you just wanted to be fucked. So I did..I fucked you then and there and for me it was love.  For me you were everything.  All my life I'd waited for this exact moment...and the back seat became to uncomfortable and we laughed and we stopped and we put our clothes on and we kissed some more and I help you and I didn't want to go because I never knew if I'd never see you again..I got out and I walked to my car..got in and drove home to be alone..and my heart began to break..

This minor bird

the world holds it's breath

A Letter to an Aunt

Hey Patti,

Sorry its been while, but finding the time to sit down and write something other than a short thought to someone. I do have privacy blockers pretty high on my pictures...a lot of them I just keep on Facebook so they are easily accessible, but not so people can see them.

I have trouble understanding myself a lot, but I'll try and explain. I have no connection at all really to any family members. My mom calls me every couple of weeks or so, but it's been well over a year since I've seen her. I don't talk at all to one sister and sparingly to the other. Haven't heard from my dad in years...the last time I did it was him using wanting to see his grand kid to talk to me about an investment opportunity. I don't feel a connection to anyone. I literally talk to family a very odd once in a while, but I never see them. I stay at home with my wife and my kids (half the time anyway) and hang out with buddies occasionally. I have no maternal or paternal feelings toward anyone.

I don't feel any negative feelings toward anyone, I just have no feelings at all. You weren't and aren't a bad aunt. What chance did you have when your nephew and nieces were signed over to their grandma in Florida because no one else wanted them? Maybe I've just given up...I don't know. I push myself really hard to learn and get promotions at work. When holidays come around I spend it with either my wife's family or my kids and I don't hear from anyone else. I accept that as part of life and it's not a problem. I don't worry about the past and just keep working with what I've got in front of me. Two awesome kids who mean everything to me. It's sad they won't really know their Grandparents...who knows..maybe its a good thing..maybe not, but there's not anything I can do about that. Just make the home they live in a happy one and always let them know they are loved and wanted because that's all I ever wanted.

I hope all is well with you and the Duncans and Michelle. I really enjoyed the times I spent with you guys. You're fun and loving people.